Tuesday, March 10, 2009

Women, Men and the Shower

HOW TO SHOWER LIKE A WOMAN:
Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry hamper according to lights and darks.
Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown.
If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.
Get in the shower.
Use face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, long loofah, wide loofah and pumice stone.
Wash your hair once with cucumber and sage shampoo with 43 added vitamins.
Wash your hair again to make sure it's clean.
Condition your hair with grapefruit mint conditioner.
Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes until red.
Wash entire rest of body with ginger nut and jaffa cake body wash.
Rinse conditioner off hair.
Shave armpits and legs.
Turn off shower.
Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower.
Spray mold spots with Tilex.
Get out of shower.
Dry with towel the size of a small country.
Wrap hair in super absorbent towel.
Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head.
If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.

HOW TO SHOWER LIKE A MAN:
Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in a pile.
Walk naked to the bathroom.
If you see wife along the way, shake wiener at her while making the woo-woo sound.
Look at your manly physique in the mirror. Admire the size of your wiener and scratch your ass.
Get in the shower.
Wash your face.
Wash your armpits.
Blow your nose in your hands and let the water rinse the snot off.
Fart and laugh at how loud it sounds in the shower.
Spend majority of time washing privates and surrounding area.
Wash your butt, leaving those coarse butt hairs stuck on the soap.
Wash your hair.
Make a shampoo Mohawk.
Pee.
Rinse off and get out of shower.
Partially dry off.
Fail to notice water on floor because curtain was hanging out of tub the whole time.
Admire wiener size in mirror again.
Leave shower curtain open, wet mat on floor, light and fan on.
Return to bedroom with towel around waist.
If you pass wife, pull off towel, shake wiener at her and make the woo-woo sound again.
Throw wet towel on her pillow.

If there is anyone among you who did not laugh at the truth behind this, I dont know why? Have a great day!

4 comments:

Tatersmama said...

Laugh??? Are you joking?
I'm crying!!!
Crying with relief! I thought I was the ONLY one in the world with a man like this!
So I guess I'll have to re-think trading him in, eh?
Gotta love the wienie shaking thing. I mean ya GOTTA love it, because you'll see it at least once a day for the rest of your life!!
(did ANYONE tell us about this before we got married? Grrrrr!)

Chele said...

LOL! This was funny, however, Rick and I must be aliens because neither of us really fell into those categories. lol!

Neas Nuttiness said...

Love the new background. I'm afraid to change mine, as we had so much trouble converting from a two column to a three column, layout!
My next big venture is going to be, trying to learn to embed videos.

Oh - and if your are "seeing this" everyday...there is something that you aren't telling me!!!

My verification word today is: couss

Is that the British spelling for a swear word?

Neabear said...

Too funny! I guess like Chele we are also not like this either. I guess we are just weird.