Wednesday, December 30, 2009

Happy New Year 2010 + Florida news

I just wanted to wish all of you a Happy New Year 2010! May the New Year bring peace, joy, love, happiness, good health, jobs to those who need one (like me), make new memories, meet new friends, fall in love all over again, find a soulmate if you're looking, be thankful for family, friends, loved ones and hold them dearer to you heart, and better times ahead for all of us! Continue to pray for our service men and women. Happy New Year to my bloggy friends!!

And now here are some funny but true events that happened here in Florida during the past year.
This article was published in The Ledger Dec 30, 2009. I have deleted some of it to shorten the post.
Published: Tuesday, December 29, 2009 at 10:46 p.m. Last Modified: Tuesday, December 29, 2009 at 10:46 p.m.
Tampa police arrested a man who let his 12-year-old son drive his SUV so he could drink in the passenger seat.
A Clearwater man was charged with drunk driving after police pulled him over for driving a car with only three tires.
A Marion County deputy pulled over a naked man riding a motorcycle. Turns out the cyclist was drunk.
A Clearwater woman knocked on a stranger's door in the middle of the night asking for cigarettes. She was naked.
A naked 91-year-old Lake Worth man held a 26-year-old burglar at gunpoint until police arrived.
A Fort Pierce man was charged with stealing $22 worth of aluminum cans from a scrap yard and then returning the next day to try to sell them back.
A man tried stealing a live ferret in Jacksonville Beach by stuffing it down his pants.
Reptiles in the news included a 5-foot alligator that escaped during a Panama City elementary school's show-and-tell.
A Land O'Lakes man was bit on the hand when he reached under his car for his dog and found an alligator instead.
Wildlife officers found two alligators being held captive in a Tallahassee apartment. They also found drugs out in plain view after the tenants let them in.
Two men carried a 6-foot shark around Miami and tried selling it to fish markets. After they failed, they left it lying in the middle of a downtown street.
A Tampa police officer used a Taser to subdue a pit bull that chased a chicken into a woman's home.
A Mossy Head woman trying to corral an emu was flown to a hospital after the giant flightless bird clawed her.
A Martin County man accused of downloading child pornography blamed the crime on a cat jumping on his computer keyboard.
The Fort Myers Beach town manager was fired after the town council learned he married a porn star.
The Brooksville city council voted to require city employees to wear underwear.
A 55-year-old Tallahassee man often seen riding a bicycle in a thong was arrested for indecent exposure.
Tampa police say a man repeatedly called 911 looking for sex because it was the only number he could dial after running out of cell phone minutes.
That was one of many bizarre 911 calls.
A Panama City Beach man called 911 and reported he was robbed of $100 only to admit later that he lied because he was afraid to tell his wife he spent the money.
A man called 911 from a Boynton Beach pay phone several times and complained he couldn't find his keys.
An 18-year-old in Tampa called 911 looking for a ride.
A Fort Pierce woman called 911 three times after McDonald's employees told her they were out of Chicken McNuggets.
A woman sitting on a toilet in a Tampa restroom dropped her gun, which discharged and shot a woman sitting in another stall.

And not to be forgotten:
A Lakeland eighth-grader was suspended from riding the school bus after farting to make other students laugh and badly stinking up the bus.
Glad I'm normal!

Wednesday, December 23, 2009

Merry Christmas

Hope your trees are trimmed, the presents all wrapped, the baking is done. My Christmas wish for you is peace, love, happiness, and good health. Enjoy the love of your family and friends during this special time as we celebrate the birth of Jesus. Merry Christmas to all!

Saturday, December 19, 2009

Jose Cuervo Christmas Cookies

Just thought you might want to bake these up for Christmas. (scroll on down) . . . . . . .

Jose Cuervo Christmas Cookies

1 cup of water
1 tsp baking soda
1 cup of sugar
1 tsp salt
1 cup of brown sugar
4 large eggs
1 cup nuts
2 cups of dried fruit
1 bottle Jose Cuervo Tequila

Sample the Cuervo to check quality.
Take a large bowl, check the Cuervo again, to be sure it is of the highest quality.
Pour one level cup and drink.
Turn on the electric mixer.
Beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl.
Add one peastoon of sugar.
Beat again.
At this point it's best to make sure the Cuervo is still ok, try another cup just in case.
Turn off the mixerer thingy.
Break 2 leggs and add to the bowl and chuck in the cup of dried fruit.
Pick the frigging fruit off the floor.
Mix on the turner.
If the fried druit gets stuck in the beaters just pry it loose with a drewscriver.
Sample the Cuervo to check for tonsisticity.
Next, sift two cups of salt, or something.
Who geeves a sheet.
Check the Jose Cuervo.
Now shift the lemon juice and strain your nuts.
Add one table.
Add a spoon of sugar, or somefink.
Whatever you can find.
Greash the oven.
Turn the cake tin 360 degrees and try not to fall over.
Don't forget to beat off the turner.
Finally, throw the bowl through the window, finish the Cose Juervo and make sure to put the stove in the wishdasher.
Cherry Mistmas !

Tuesday, December 8, 2009

Classified Ads

These classifieds actually ran in a Minneapolis newspaper - a smile for your day...

FREE YORKSHIRE TERRIER 8-years old. Hateful little mutt. Bites!
FREE PUPPIES 1/2 Cocker Spaniel, 1/2 sneaky neighbor's dog.
FREE PUPPIES Mother, AKC German Shepherd. Father, Super to leap tall fences in a single bound.
FOUND DIRTY WHITE DOG Looks like a rat. Been out a while. Better be a big reward.
COWS, CALVES: NEVER BRED Also 1 gay bull for sale.
NORDIC TRACK $300 Hardly used, call Chubby.
GEORGIA PEACHES California grown - 89 cents/lb.
JOINING NUDIST COLONY! Must sell washer and dryer $300.
WEDDING DRESS FOR SALE Worn once by mistake. Call Stephanie.

And the best one....

FOR SALE BY OWNER: Complete set of Encyclopedia Britannica, 45 volumes. Excellent condition. $1,000 or best offer. No longer needed, got married last month. Husband knows everything!!