Monday, September 28, 2009

Pro Bass Shop

Another funny email I had to share. Just to get your week off on the right note!

Blind Bass Pro Shop Salesperson
A woman goes into Bass Pro Shop to buy a rod and reel for her grandson's birthday.
She doesn't know which one to get so she just grabs one and goes over to the counter.
A Bass Pro Shop associate is standing there wearing dark shades.
She says, 'Excuse me, sir. Can you tell me anything about this rod and reel?'
He says, 'Ma'am, I'm completely blind; but if you'll drop it on the counter, I can tell you everything from the sound it makes.'
She doesn't believe him but drops it on the counter anyway.
He says, 'That's a six-foot Shakespeare graphite rod with a Zebco 404 reel and 10-LB. test line. It's a good all around combination and it's on sale this week for only $20.00.
She says, 'It's amazing that you can tell all that just by the sound of it dropping on the counter. I'll take it!'
As she opens her purse, her credit card drops on the floor. 'Oh, that sounds like a Master Card,' he says.
She bends down to pick it up and accidentally farts.
At first she is really embarrassed, but then realizes there is no way the blind clerk could tell it was she who tooted.
Being blind, he wouldn't know that she was the only person around.
The man rings up the sale and says, 'That'll be $34.50 please.'
The woman is totally confused by this and asks, 'Didn't you tell me the rod and reel were on sale for $20.00? How did you get $34.50?'
He replies, 'Yes, Ma'am. The rod and reel is $20.00, but . . . the Duck Call is $11.00 and the Bear Repellent is $3.50.'
Have a great day!!!

Friday, September 18, 2009

Friday Update

Another funny to end this week! Not much happening here, haven't heard back from any job applications yet, what else is new huh??? Supposed to have rain this weekend, that is okay just wish it would cool off a bit. My pug, Fuji, was real sick earlier this week, took her to the vet. He told me her heart isn't beating correctly, she has a heart arrythmia. Got to get her over this bad cold she has first and then see what to do about her heart. Trying to keep her cool and relaxed. She is breathing better and will be 11 in a month. Her appetite is back. She is Queen Bee around here and always barking orders! Have a great weekend! Enjoy the funny below! I actually do not suggest doing this! This is an email someone sent me! Just a joke I hope ya know!

My neighbor found out her dog could hardly hear so she took it to the veterinarian. He found that the problem was hair in its ears. So he cleaned both ears and the dog could hear fine.
The vet then proceeded to tell the lady that if she wanted to keep this from recurring she should go to the store and get some 'Nair' hair remover and rub it in the dog's ears once a month.
The lady goes to the drug store and gets some Nair' hair remover.
At the register the druggist tells her, 'If you're going to use this under your arms don't use deodorant for a few days.'
The lady says, 'I'm not using it under my arms.'
The druggist says, 'Well if you're using it on your legs don't shave for a couple of days.'
The lady says, 'I'm not using it on my legs either. If you must know, I'm using it on my schnauzer.'
The druggist says, 'Stay off your bicycle for a week.'

Friday, September 11, 2009

The fence

Had to share this e-mail with ya'll..please don't think bad of me but I really needed a laugh today! Hope this gets your weekend off to a good start!

Old Timer Sex

This is too funny to be dirty - enjoy!

The husband leans over and asks his wife, 'Do you remember the first time we had sex together over fifty years ago? We went behind the village tavern where you leaned against the back fence and I made love to you.'
Yes, she says, 'I remember it well..'
OK,' he says, 'How about taking a stroll around there again and we can do it for old time's sake?'
Oh Jim, you old devil, that sounds like a crazy, but good idea!'

A police officer sitting in the next booth heard their conversation and, having a chuckle to himself, he thinks to himself, I've got to see these two old-timers having sex against a fence. I'll just keep an eye on them so there's no trouble. So he follows them.

The elderly couple walk haltingly along, leaning on each other for support aided by walking sticks.. Finally, they get to the back of the tavern and make their way to the fence.. The old lady lifts her skirt and the old man drops his trousers. As she leans against the fence, the old man moves in.. Then suddenly they erupt into the most furious sex that the policeman has ever seen. This goes on for about ten minutes while both are making loud noises and moaning and screaming. Finally, they both collapse, panting on the ground.

The policeman is amazed. He thinks he has learned something about life and old age that he didn't know..
After about half an hour of lying on the ground recovering, the old couple struggle to their feet and put their clothes back on.

The policeman, is still watching and thinks to himself, this is truly amazing, I've got to ask them what their secret is..

So, as the couple passes, he says to them,' Excuse me, but that was something else. You must've had a fantastic sex life together.. Is there some sort of secret to this?'

Shaking, the old man is barely able to reply, 'Fifty years ago that wasn't an electric fence.'