Tuesday, February 24, 2009

2008 Stimulus Payment Explained

This is from 2008 since we won't be getting one for 2009 at least individually as far as I can tell unless you didn't receive one in 2008 or something to that effect!! Happy Fat Tuesday!!!

Economic Stimulus Payment

This year, taxpayers will receive an Economic Stimulus Payment. This is a very exciting new program that I will explain using the Q and A format.

Q. What is an Economic Stimulus Payment?
A. It is money that the federal government will send to taxpayers.

Q. Where will the government get this money?
A. From taxpayers.

Q. So the government is giving me back my own money?
A. Only a smidgen.

Q. What is the purpose of this payment?
A. The plan is that you will use the money to purchase a high-definition TV set, thus stimulating the economy.

Q. But isn't that stimulating the economy of China ?
A. Shut up.

Below is some helpful advice on how to best help the US economy by spending your stimulus check wisely:
If you spend that money at Wal-Mart, all the money will go to China.
If you spend it on gasoline it will go to the Arabs.
If you purchase a computer it will go to India.
If you purchase fruit and vegetables it will go to Mexico, Honduras, and Guatemala (unless you buy organic).
If you buy a car it will go to Japan.
If you purchase useless crap it will go to Taiwan.

And none of it will help the American economy. We need to keep that money here in America. You can keep the money in America by spending it at yard sales, going to a baseball game, or spend it on prostitutes, beer and wine (domestic ONLY), or tattoos, since those are the only businesses still in the US.

6 comments:

Neas Nuttiness said...

Perfect - this explains it all!

Hey my verification word is:

cizessen

This must be a citizen after the wind has been let out of their sails!

Raggedy Girl said...

Oh my goodness!! I was laughing so hard I had to wait to comment. I am not sure it is possible to explain the U.S. government and I have heard that it is the best form of government in the world which really makes you wonder why we have not just spun off into space yet!!

Roberta Anne

Tatersmama said...

So that's how it works, huh? I always thought so!!
We're getting the same Stimulus package here in Oz, and I think this explanation fits, whatever the country we're living in. ;-)

But I wonder if I should feel guilty for using my Aussie $$'s to place a huge order at JCPenny's???
Too bad.. if I want better quality at a cheaper price, I'm gonna keep ordering my goodies from the US!
Or does it work that way? ;-)

Robynn's Ravings said...

Had to call Grizzly in and share this one with him so we could crack up together. Funny, but sadly true! Yikes. His work is slowing down and that ain't good.

Thanks for a good laugh! :)

Andrea said...

Hilarious!!! Still laughing...thanks so much for sharing! :)

Mountain Woman said...

Ha, that was a great read and had me laughing. It's just so sad that it's true :(