2008 Stimulus Payment Explained

This is from 2008 since we won't be getting one for 2009 at least individually as far as I can tell unless you didn't receive one in 2008 or something to that effect!! Happy Fat Tuesday!!!

Economic Stimulus Payment

This year, taxpayers will receive an Economic Stimulus Payment. This is a very exciting new program that I will explain using the Q and A format.

Q. What is an Economic Stimulus Payment?
A. It is money that the federal government will send to taxpayers.

Q. Where will the government get this money?
A. From taxpayers.

Q. So the government is giving me back my own money?
A. Only a smidgen.

Q. What is the purpose of this payment?
A. The plan is that you will use the money to purchase a high-definition TV set, thus stimulating the economy.

Q. But isn't that stimulating the economy of China ?
A. Shut up.

Below is some helpful advice on how to best help the US economy by spending your stimulus check wisely:
If you spend that money at Wal-Mart, all the money will go to China.
If you spend it on gasoline it will go to the Arabs.
If you purchase a computer it will go to India.
If you purchase fruit and vegetables it will go to Mexico, Honduras, and Guatemala (unless you buy organic).
If you buy a car it will go to Japan.
If you purchase useless crap it will go to Taiwan.

And none of it will help the American economy. We need to keep that money here in America. You can keep the money in America by spending it at yard sales, going to a baseball game, or spend it on prostitutes, beer and wine (domestic ONLY), or tattoos, since those are the only businesses still in the US.

Paula, Bandit's Mom is home

Just wanted to share my e-mail that I received from Paula at 653am this Saturday am. She was up very early. Let's all remember to keep her in our thoughts and prayers. Her email address is on her blog in case you want to send her a note with well wishes.

i came home last night about 8 pm. all of the pugs were happy to see me, tim left them out one at a time, bandit must of licked my face for 10 minutes straight without stopping. i am sore, tender, it is awkward to find the right position to sleep and get comfortable in, i have jp drains in for now until they get under 30 cc a day each for drainage. everything is swollen, even underarms. they started reconstruction with 100 cc in each. have several prescriptions he has to pick up today, some for muscle relaxer, pain, antibiotic. i have a home nurse coming every day starting today.

thanks for thinking of me and keeping me in your well thoughts and prayers.

hugs,

paula

Chauffeur for the Day

Very early Thursday morning, about 725am, I picked up Libby at Susan's. I was taking her to get her stitches removed and for the doc to take a look at his handiwork. She was already feeling nauseated at this point and we weren't even out the door yet.

With the aid of her walker and beach towel, Libby made it into the car. She backs up to the car and then sits down in the back seat. Then she puts the towel under her foot and hoists her foot up and scoots across the seat to the other side. Not an easy feat when you are wearing a dress and I have cloth seats! She was choking herself before long as the dress was stuck underneath her. She managed to release the chokehold that the dress had on her and was in position before long and seated comfortably.

She rode in the back seat since she can't bend her leg. Since she was really feeling nauseated by now and I was hungry we stopped at Burger King for a very nutritious breakfast of egg, cheese and sausage croissants(Libby had bacon), those fattening little tater tot rounds, and a Coke! As she leisurely ate her breakfast in the backseat, I stuggled to eat my croissant, tater rounds, drink my delicious Coke and watch for traffic all while driving! No, I wasn't trying to talk on my cell phone too! Who would I call that early in the morning? I have my priorities ya know!

Her appointment was for 815am and that is about when we pulled into the parking lot. I went up and got the wheelchair and got Libby upstairs. The nice nurses removed her stitches and cleaned up the leg. It looked really good and she even shaved her legs the night before with Susan's help.
With that done we got her back in the car and off to the Great Wall in Bartow. Did you know they moved it?? It's a really good Chinese restaurant. They used to be in Lakeland really close by my house but they moved. Darn it! We ate and then I managed to get her back home all in one piece. Next week therapy!!

My pug, Fuji, is 100% now and the boxer now has some kind of growth on his elbow, looks like a nipple but it may be a wart. He will be seeing the vet soon since boxers are prone to cancer and I don't want that happening! The cat's $500 ear is coming right along too!

Ya'll have a great weekend!!!!

Dear Diary

HER DIARY:

Tonight, I thought my husband was acting weird. We had made plans to meet at a bar to have a drink. I was shopping with my friends all day long, so I thought he was upset at the fact that I was a bit late, but he made no comment on it. Conversation wasn't flowing, so I suggested that we go somewhere quiet so we could talk. He agreed, but he didn't say much. I asked him what was wrong. He said, 'Nothing.' I asked him if it was my fault that he was upset. He said he wasn't upset, that it had nothing to do with me, and not to worry about it.On the way home, I told him that I loved him. He smiled slightly, and kept driving. I can't explain his behavior. I don't know why he didn't say, 'I love you, too.' When we got home, I felt as if I had lost him completely, as if he wanted nothing to do with me anymore. He just sat there quietly, and watched TV. He continued to seem distant and absent.. Finally, with silence all around us, I decided to go to bed. About 15 minutes later, he came to bed. To my surprise, he responded to my caress, and we made love. But I still felt that he was distracted, and his thoughts were somewhere else. He fell asleep -I cried. I don't know what to do. I'm almost sure that his thoughts are with someone else.. My life is a disaster.

HIS DIARY:

My Harley wouldn't start today, but at least I got laid!!!

Just like a man!

Prayer for Paula

I just wanted to share something with you today. Please keep Paula over at Pug Hugs with Bandit,Paisley and Smokey in your prayers and thoughts today. This morning she underwent a bilateral mastectomy for her breast disease and will have reconstruction soon. Please pray for her and her family during this difficult time. We have been emailing each other and I shared my breast cancer story with her. I hope I was able to give her encouragement and positve vibes. Thank you my bloggie friends!

Monday Funny

No, I am not obsessed with bodily functions but I laugh til tears flow! Fuji is 99% back to her mean, bossy old self except for the nagging cough, which keeps me awake at night. I hope I haven't posted this before, if so I am sorry. I just needed a laugh and wanted to share!

Don't Fart in Bed

If this story doesn't make you cry for laughing so hard, let me know and I'll pray for you.

This is a story about a couple who had been happily married for years. The only friction in their marriage was the husband's habit of farting loudly every morning when he awoke. The noise would wake his wife and the smell would make her eyes water and make her gasp for air. Every morning she would plead with him to stop ripping them off because it was making her sick. He told her he couldn't stop it and that it was perfectly natural. She told him to see a doctor; she was concerned that one day he would blow his guts out.

The years went by and he continued to blast them out! Then one Thanksgiving morning as she was preparing the turkey for dinner and he was upstairs sound asleep, she looked at the bowl where she had put the turkey innards and neck, gizzard, liver and all the spare parts and a malicious thought came to her. She took the bowl and went upstairs where her husband was sound asleep and, gently pulling back the bed covers, she pulled back the elastic waistband of his underpants and emptied the bowl of turkey guts into his shorts. Sometime later she heard her husband waken with his usual trumpeting which was followed by a blood curdling scream and the sound of frantic footsteps as he ran into the bathroom. The wife could hardly control herself as she rolled on the floor laughing, tears in her eyes! After years of torture she reckoned she had got him back pretty good. About twenty minutes later, her husband came downstairs in his bloodstained underpants with a look of horror on his face. She bit her lip as she asked him what the matter was. He said, "Honey, you were right." "All these years you have warned me and I didn't listen to you." "What do you mean?" asked his wife. "Well, you always told me that one day I would end up farting my guts out, and today it finally happened. But by the grace of God, some Vaseline, and two fingers, I think I got most of them back in."

Libby, Fuji, Friday Funny

Today's Chuckle

You are on the bus when you suddenly realize... you need to fart.
The music is really loud, so you time your farts with the beat.
After a couple of songs, you start to feel better as you approach your stop.
As you are leaving the bus, people are really staring you down, and that's when you remember: you've been listening to your iPod.

Libby called me this evening and she sounded her normal self. She was propped up in the bed as Steph has no chairs Libby could actually sit in confortably. She assures she will not be cooking but did do her blog. Can't keep a good woman down ya' know!

Took Fuji to the vet this afternoon. He said her lungs sound clear, no congestion, no fever normal temp. She is still coughing, sounds like the croup and that she needs to spit something up. Naturally she didn't cough when he examined her only did as we went out the door. I asked him about pneumonia. Dogs can develop that after kennel cough but her nose is clear so evidently she doesn't have that. She still won't eat her normal food but will eat some treats I offer her. As she walks around coughing, she is tooting at the same time. Do you think she knows that? It is pretty funny! The other dogs just look at her, like what the heck, noise coming out both ends! You know pugs don't have much of a nose for breathing and hers is really small. I think that is why she is having such a hard time with all of this and Thank the Good Lord the others haven't gotten sick yet and pray they don't! I'm pretty sure I would have seen symptoms by now. We are off to Wally World to get Meagan's boyfriend something very cheap for Valentine's. I spent all my money on vet bills, but it was money well spent if you love your animals.

I love ya'll and Happy Valentine's Day to each and everyone of you!

Breaking News***Libby

I was at the vet's when Libby's dear hubby called me about 1115a and said Libby came thru her surgery just fine. They did have to break her leg to get things lined up. Steve was taking her to daughter Steph's to rest over the weekend and they will be keeping a very close on eye on her.

Jack, the tomcat, was the one at the vet this time. He got his ear torn up (was bitten and then abcessed down the back of the ear) in a cat fight a couple of weeks ago. She thought they might have to remove his ear but she drained it and with much diligence we have managed to save his ear. We go back in a few weeks for a re-check but it is looking great. When I get this bill paid down, he will then be neutered. I know he will be jumping for joy when he hears that news!

Fuji goes to a different vet this afternoon at 3pm to see how she is doing. Will let you know the rest of her story.

Stay tuned for the latest breaking news on Libby and the pets! Have a super duper weekend and Best ever Valentine's Day!!!

I'm on my way!!

I am a few years off from being 60 but I can already relate to some of these. Just thought I would share with my friends. You may have read these before! I will update on Fuji tomorrow after our vet visit. She is coming along just slowly. Thanks for your thoughts and prayers.

Perks of reaching 60

01. Kidnappers are not very interested in you.
02. In a hostage situation you are likely to be released first.
03. No one expects you to run--anywhere.
04. People call at 9 pm and ask, did I wake you?
05. People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.
06. There is nothing left to learn the hard way.
07. Things you buy now won't wear out.
08. You can eat supper at 4 pm.
09. You can live without sex but not your glasses.
10. You get into heated arguments about pension plans.
11. You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.
12. You quit trying to hold your stomach in no matter who walks into the room.
13. You sing along with elevator music.
14. Your eyes won't get much worse.
15. Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off.
16. Your joints are more accurate meteorologists than the national
weather service.
17. Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can't remember them either.
18. Your supply of brain cells is finally down to manageable size.
19. You can't remember who sent you this list. And you notice these are all in Big Print for your convenience.

AND TRY TO ALWAYS REMEMBER ... Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

Fuji update

Not much change today. I did get her to eat some Liv-a-snaps and a bite of pork chop last night. Ate a few more treats today, not her usual fare. Called the vet's office to let them know what was going on. The tech said I have to remember she can't smell anything so she isn't real interested in eating or doing much else. I take her out to potty and she just sits there until I prod her along to the other end of the yard. Still giving her cough medicine, the cough now sounds different, hopefully it is starting to ease up and her antibiotics. Will take her back to the vet Friday unless she gets worse. I hate to see her like this and I worry since she is 10 plus. Will keep you updated. Thanks for the well wishes and prayers. We at the Walker household love you all!!

Isn't the moon beautiful tonight? Big, round, full and white just like me!!! I feel like taking a moonbath in the backyard. The neighbors would just think there is a ghost out there since I am so white, no tan no more!

Very sick pug

Fuji is very sick. She caught kennel cough /bronchitis from my daughter's new pup. I took her to the vet Friday. He gave her amoxicillin, tablet form 2x daily. It is Sunday morning and she doesn't seem any better to me. She hates taking medicine. I tried hiding the pill in a sausage roll from Natural Balance. It smells good enough for humans to eat. I am going to check the ingredients! She clenches her jaw tight. It's all I can do to pry them open to get the pill down, now coated with butter. So thankful she is not a pit bull, I could be missing a finger! I give her Robitussin by dropper and that is just as bad. She hides when she sees that dropper or something in my hand. Her tail has been drooping for about 4-5 days. I know she is very sick since she has no interest in eating. I gave her some broth with the dropper this morning, she even fought me on that but I did get some in her. I will try more later. She is drinking though. All the pugs I have ever known never miss a chance to eat! That is their nature. Her nose is all stuffed up. Last night I called the emergency vet clinic, the nice lady told me to steam up the bathroom, put her in there and let her breathe in the steam. I also read to massage her head and cheeks. I lifted up her wrinkle when I was rubbing her head, that seemed to help. They need to make Breathe Right Strips for pugs!! I can't stand seeing her so miserable. I have to report to the vet tomorrow and she has another appointment Friday the 13th. I am hoping that medicine kicks in today! She is 10+ and has never slowed down for anything. I miss my wild and crazy girl!!! I am praying that my other dogs don't get sick from her. Wish her well please, thanks!!

Scary afternoon

No bunny sighting last night. Hope he is safe!

It was cold in the house so I opened the back door and propped it open to let the warm air in. Yes it was warmer out than in! The little dogs could go out if they wanted. Sassy, the 2- 3/4 lb (on a good day) chihuahua, was wandering the florida room eating a bite out of everyone's bowl. Fuji is still not eating and doesn't seem to feel any better. Meanwhile I wanted to make chili for tonight. I was in the kitchen putting it together. I decided to check on the wee little one. She was nowhere to be found. I called her over and over. No Sassy. I thought surely she didn't go outside. I looked all around the backyard. No Sassy. My heart was sinking cause I thought I will never find that tiny little girl in this big yard. I went out the side gate and out to the front of the house. I spied this little thing in the hedge, black with a green sweater on. She had slipped thru the gate on the other side of the house and would have been a goner if I hadn't seen her. That was a major undertaking for her since she is so tiny. She had to step down to get out the door, down 2 big steps onto the slab then down another big step to get into the yard, then walk all around the side of the house thru the side yard and thru the side of the gate. The gate is always closed but she can fit thru where it attaches to the fence post.

She did this several months ago only I had left her outside for just a few minutes with the other dogs. When I went back out she was gone! I called my friend June at work and she came to help look. We went around the block looking high and low for her. A woman way around the corner from me called to her and asked what she was looking for. June answered a tiny dog. The woman had found her and took her inside her house and I think she fully intended to keep her. She found Sassy in the street out and took her home. I don't know if she was in front of my house or further down the street. June said I don't think she wanted to give her up. You can't imagine how tiny she is in this great big world. She has no clue as to what is out there that could get her. It was all my fault. I just never thought she would wander off. I vow not to let this happen again.

Bunny update and other news

The bunny was back out last night. But I didn't chase him all around. I let him be. The 2 big cats were looking over the situation. Elmo, one of my cats, came when called since he knew I had yummy cat food for him and the others on the porch. Easy chewing dry cat food with no bones,no skin,no gristle,etc. unlike as if he would have dined on the rabbit! Good kitty! If that bunny comes in my yard I am going to capture him with a big net. I will put him in a crate. Those people don't deserve to have a pet. If he doesn't get killed by a cat or dog, then he could get hit by a car coming down the street. And no, I don't have a big butterfly net but sure could use one! I will check Goodwill!

It was freezing again last night. Had put the plants back out yesterday morning since it warmer outside than in the house. Had to drag them back in again last night and put them back out again this morning. It is supposed to warm up nicely this weekend and be in the 70's tomorrow. I like the cold but this is ridiculous. No wonder we all have colds,coughs and runny noses. You don't know how to dress when the weather is like this. Warm at the beginning of the week turns freezing by Wednesday. My pug, Fuji, is is even sick. She is going to vet this afternoon. I think she has bronchitis. I have been giving her Robitussin but I am pretty sure she needs an antibiotic. I am off to get back under the covers and warm up. I moved Blitz's, my beautiful boxer, crate to be in front of the big picture window so he can bask in the sun. Maybe I should sleep there except the sun is so bright and I can only sleep in the pitch dark!

Have a wonderful week-end!

Stranger in the night

That funny Robynn's Ravings was telling her story about gophers. It was so funny. I can see it all now. Tonight I had a similar experience. I went out the front door to call the cats so they would come eat. I feed them on the front porch. It was so very cold out. Some of the cats showed up and Tiger Lily hadn't shown up yet. Then I spied a little kitten or so I thought across the street. Tiger Lily was further behind it. I started calling here kitty,kitty,kitty. Lily started coming towards me but the little kitten just sat there. It was pretty small. I crossed the street to go get it. To my surprise it was a little rabbit, black and white. It just sat there as I approached. Then it took off hopping down the sidewalk. Now mind you it is very cold out!!! I chased after that little baby up and down the street, thru several yards and back again. Meanwhile 2 cats, one is mine, have spotted me and became curious. They thought this looks like fun, let's help chase the bunny. I figured the bunny would be dinner for one of them. I came back inside and told Meagan about the little bunny. I wanted her to help me catch it before the cats did. She then told me the bunny belonged to the dopeheads across the street. They let it run loose all the time. I just wanted to protect the bunny but decided I couldn't catch it. About 30 minutes ago I went back out the front door to check out the situation . The bunny was still out there across the street. I tried once more but we just went around in cirlces. I said the heck with you and came in out of the deep freeze. I wished him well and will look in the am. I might try one more time as I don't want anything to happen to him. Like I really need another animal to take care of!

Monday funnies to begin your week

And that's how the fight got started......

Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch,grabbed the dog, and slipped quietly into the garage. I hooked up the boat up to the truck, and proceeded to back out in to a torrential downpour. The wind was blowing 50 mph, so I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the weather would be bad all day. I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed. I cuddled up to my wife's back, now with a different anticipation, and whispered, 'The weather out there is terrible.' Myloving wife of 10 years replied, 'Can you believe my stupid husband is out fishing in that?'And that's how the fight got started.....

A woman is standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror. She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband, 'I feel horrible;I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.'The husband replies, 'Your eyesight's darn near perfect.'And that's how the fight got started......

My wife and I were watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were in bed. I turned to her and said, "Do you want to have sex?""No," she answered.I then said, "Is that your final answer?"She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying "Yes."So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."And that's how the fight got started....

After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security. The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's license to verify my age. I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home. I told the woman that I was very sorry,but I would have to go home and come back later. The woman said,'Unbutton your shirt'. So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair. She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me, and she processed my Social Security application. When I got home,I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social Security office. She said, 'You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten Disability, too! And that's how the fight got started......

My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion,and I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby table. My wife asked, 'Do you know her?' 'Yes,' I sighed,'she's my old girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober since.' 'My God!' says my wife, 'Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?'And that's how the fight got started...

I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my order first.'I'll have the strip steak, medium rare, please.'The waiter said, 'Aren't you worried about the mad cow?''Nah, she can order for herself.'And that's how the fight got started....

Have a great week! Hope this made you laugh. By the way, for all you people with snow did Punxatawney Phil see his shadow?? 6 more weeks of winter, yes or no?